Haiti Mongers

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January 21, 2010 · Posted in Rants  

I’ve been accused of being condescending and elitist. I’m openly shameless and self absorbed, but even I had to take a moment from my busy job of loving the wonder that is Shawn Purvis this week and pause for the people of Haiti.

Here is a country whose political landscape has been rife with turmoil and violence. A country so embittered by poverty that it’s citizens are risking life and limb to become the new illegal in the United States. A country that was struck by not one, but two devastating earthquakes this month. That breaks my heart.

That’s akin to adding torrential flooding to the abuse of power in Kenya or avalanche to the atrocities of Tibet. It’s just a really dark lining on an already dark storm cloud.

In these times of grief, it is common to turn from our political leaders and rely on the advice of our religious leaders. Normally, it is our religious leaders who will open their arms, welcome in the suffering and try to explain to people that God or at least the followers of God understand that He rains down his mercies on the just and unjust alike.

That was not true this week. At the bottom of this post is a clip of a rather major religious leader who equates Haiti’s pact with the devil to remove the French as a reason for these unhappy events in Haiti. He goes further to state that a return to God will free them from these terrible afflictions.

Have you ever felt like Ryu or Ken from Street Fighter as they were powering up for a fireball? I am. Right now.

I’ve long ago dismissed a large portion of the religious right as being completely out of their mind. This situation is no exception. In fact, the very teachings of the Bible will show that a closeness with God often equates in poverty and suffering. Jesus lived his time on earth as a poor man, a cast off from society. He associated with the outcasts. Job was considered the most unshakable in his faith, so God gave authority to the Devil to torture him. Peter was crucified. John was beheaded. Being close to God typically means that your day is not going to be a sunny one,

However, through all of this suffering, there is supposed to be an unshakable spirit within emboldened by the experience to show the believer that riches and easy living are not as valuable as inner riches and spiritual steadfastness. Leaders in this belief should be REINFORCING this concept not equating economical success and avoidance of natural disaster with distance from God.

How do I know this? My mother is one of the most steadfast Christians I know. So much so that we often have serious disconnects on how things should work in the world of ours. My mother is not wealthy and she in not in great health, but if you ask her how she is doing, her spirit is unshaken. “I’m holding on to Jesus,” she says without flinching or missing a beat.

Is it possible that my mother is a better leader of faith than the popular Pat Robertson? Is it possible that a woman who has survived the Jimmy Swaggerts and Jim Bakers of this movement has more character than all of them put together?

I would say yes.

Let’s not be quick to judge an entire nation by their distance from God. America is one of the most successful nations in the world and yet depending on the day, America is either ‘blessed’ or ‘cursed’ by God. When Katrina hit, was Louisiana suffering from their prevalence of Voodoo or debauchery? By his own admission, Pat cites the Dominican Republic as being a typed of blessed. Where was that blessing six years ago when mudslides killed people in both Haiti and the Dominican Republic? Where was the favor deserved from closeness with God then?

Perhaps it is just as is promised. Rain falls on the dry fields the same time is floods the fields. Winds cool down the hot day at the same time they fell trees. “Acts of God” happen to everyone and contrary to some vision of Babylon falling, it is not our closeness to God that avoids these disasters, but rather it is the resolve of our spirit regardless of these disasters that show our closeness to God.

Shame on you, Pat Robertson. You took a moment that could have inspired millions to be petty and defeatist. I have the floor on my opinion and I refuse to yield.

Reach out to someone today and show them the true nature of your spirit.

Give at the Red Cross (beware fake charities!)

Further Reading and a shameful clip


A different view

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I’m in print!

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January 21, 2010 · Posted in Inspiration  

With the gracious help of a self publishing site called Lulu, my new book is available in print.

Scroll through the pages above to see a little bit of the book. Remember fans, only ten thousand more sold and I can switch to being an author now! HINT, HINT! Three down, 9,997 more to go! Oh yeah!

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Shawn Purvis LIVE! – Episode 1

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December 31, 2009 · Posted in Hilarity Shared  

Well, here it is! It took me forever (don’t ask when it was filmed), but this is my first foray into the world of documentary-ish filming….

Huge Thank you you to Ted “Sniktaw” Watkins for being my DP on this project and a huge thank you for your tolerance to the amazing cast of Interchangeable Parts
 which perform Saturday nights at the Saint Pete Beach Theater

Without further delay…. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN…..

(This link will open in another window. I’m really sorry, but I haven’t learned the cool stuff yet. Enjoy!)

Shawn Purvis dot com Episode One

Enjoyed it? Why not let me know by showering me with money? Become a patron of the ShawnArts and encourage this kind of thing to happen again!


Or if you’re feeling randy, become a Preferred Subscriber for only ten dollars a month and get a space on my site. Not only show love for what I do, but help me do it full time! Subscribers get special perks each month… and no, not those kinds of perks… :-)

Preferred Subscriber’s Name

But why Shawn, why I can’t help you more?

No worries.  Scratch that itch and become a freaking Sponsor for a cool hundred a month.  Get mentioned at my shows, get space on my site.    I will wear your t-shirt/hat/jacket/blindfold when I perform…comedy…

Sponsorship – Name of Entity

　　　　

Quoth the Shawn….Evermore

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December 30, 2009 · Posted in Uncategorized  

So excited! My favorite inspirational website, www.quotegarden.com, is holding a Create Your Own Quote contest on Twitter http://twitter.com/quotegarden

I entered the following quote. Marvel at my literal skills…literally.

“The light of starry dreams can only be seen once we escape the blinding cities of disbelief”… – Shawn Purvis dot com

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I’m International, Baby!

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December 17, 2009 · Posted in Inspiration  

Some people ask me where I do comedy.  Oh, here and there, I’ll reply.

Well, it seems ‘here’ is Tampa, but ‘there’ is freaking Singapore!  Oh yeah!

A Toastmasters club in Singapore has posted my youtube video of my 2007 speech on their website!

Shawn in Singapore

Not only am I flattered, I would encourage you all to check out the site and make it popular.  I was impressed when a club in Canada asked to review the video for an evaluation workshop, but this is awesome.

Google yourself!  You never know what or where you might find yourself!

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Old Dogs and New Tricks!

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December 17, 2009 · Posted in Inspiration  

Before tonight, I would never have known that PHP was not a variant of animal tranquilizer.

That was before I couldn’t figure out how to make my website sparkle. Now it does. Oh yeah!

I had to run through tutorials, FAQs, download a FTP Client and lurk through someone else’s code to figure out how to remove random blank ads, but I did it.

The potential we have to learn and accomplish is the only thing that will truly shock and amaze. Seeing who cheats on who and who almost got knocked the fuck out by the very clubs that made him a bazillionaire…isn’t amazing at all.

Entertaining? Maybe. But unimpressive.

However, finding out that your favorite comedian is now more PHP savvy than he was four hours ago should not impress, it should inspire.

Go out and learn something!

-Shawn

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New Business Cards!

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December 17, 2009 · Posted in Inspiration  
The dirty little secret...
The dirty little secret…

It’s time to network!

After too long, the new Shawn Purvis comedy cards are on their way.  Ordered from a lovely little place called VistaPrint.com, they were reasonably priced and rather hot if I must say so myself.  While it looks rather racy, there is a subtle message here, the comedy of Shawn Purvis is not only hilarious, it’s sexy…
And that message is correctamundo!

Need more proof?  Check out the back of the card…

She knows the secret...
She knows the secret…
　　　　

Murderous Lamps!

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December 15, 2009 · Posted in Hilarity Shared  

I love Pixar! They have a unique brand of comedy that is simple and fantastic…

This is not such a thing, but is hilarious in it’s own right. Parodies rule!

Check out this video: Pixar Intro Parody

Kudos to Myspace for sharing the link. And for inspiring me to buy a guitar and a 4-track before I check out University of Phoenix. Don’t mess with the burny can’t kill it birds. Dumbledore will break bad on your ass using said burny bird and make you look like a real packer of fudge.

My apologies to all the fine folks that work at the fudge factory. You make delicious treats that are good to eat.

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Brilliant!

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December 14, 2009 · Posted in Rants  

As a comedian, I’m often asked where I get my material (well, most people assume that I’ll use our current drunken fiasco…). Comedy comes from the world around me. Friends, work, family, hopes, dreams…and sometimes movies.

I love a good movie because for the most part, I’m a theatrical imbecile. Suspension of disbelief? Nay! I am a drooling, mouth breathing heroin addict on the other end of Hollywood’s warming spoon of drivel.

Blair Witch Project scared the shit out of me (with good cause…I grew up where it was filmed). Matrix thrilled me. Fight Club inspired me. Ok. Gigli was stupid, but the cameo by Walken was damn near orgasmic.

I even enjoy the bad films. Rocky Horror Picture Show was redeemed because Tim Curry is always a treat, even in drag). I’ve only had issue with three films to date and they were so obvious, it was disturbing. (more on that in a minute).

I have found my new delicious treat: www.Cracked.com. Amazing articles that punch holes in the most obvious (not to the ‘tards like me). Here’s a great one that I just chortled at quite obscenely:

5 Things Hollywood Thinks Computers Can Do

Check them out! The writing is succinct and sarcastic and downright, well, brilliant! As contrasted by the writing in say, Gigli. Although, I often say ‘bless you’ to my penis whenever a pretty lady walks by.

Now, as to the three movies with which I have had serious issue….

#3 – Sleepwalkers

To date, this is the only film that I have ever walked out of. Stephen King is a master of stories and the spirit vampires that can’t handle cats are amazing. But when the dude banged his mom the second time, I was out. I snuck in to White Men Can’t Jump and relished in its blatant stereotypical medley of ‘too cool for school’ black guy, ‘worthless gambler’ white guy and ‘too fussy to want to sex up’ brown girl. I’ll take obvious United Nation blender over creepy soul-sucking incest any day…

#2 – Epic Movie

I love Jennifer Coolidge and could watch her paint her toenails, but even her snow-capped mountains could not save perhaps the worst parody ever (this was before I saw Meet the Spartans). While I understand that a parody should be cheesy, it should be funny. It wasn’t. It became less funny than that joke your grandfather tells at every family function. The one that wasn’t funny to begin with and isn’t any funnier a hundred times later. Parodies should be close to the original and poke serious fun at horrible flaws with the original. The first Scary Movie was amazing. The franchise went horribly awry, but it still had the first one to keep it out of the running of worst ever.

We could parody Gigli…oh wait, that’s backwards. We should write the real movie that Gigli parodies.

#1 – Twilight: New Moon

I’m going to catch flack for this one, but I don’t care. I saw Twilight and while it hurt to pry my eyes open and enjoy the movie with my daughter, I could understand it. I could fathom how sparkly vampires would be interesting and that a rather dull movie could appeal to the newly pubescent crowd, but damn you Hollywood, New Moon was nothing more than Underworld without anything cool.

I was even psyched because the preview smacked of serious Underworld trappings. Werewolves fighting Vampires. Vampire fighting vampires. Whiny bitch getting hurt in a dozen ways…But no. The preview was the only decent part of the film. Much like There’s Something About Mary, the preview was the only reason to see the movie. If the preview is the only decent part of the film, then make it a short and apologize to the actors for wasting their time.

New Moon was veiled gay porn. I understand that every twelve year old girl wants two hot guys swooning over her, but it’s just celluloid lies. It showed action and not the circle jerk variety that was in that horrid pile of crap. Ladies, I hate to tell you, but in the real world, guys that look like Edward and James don’t fight over girls, they fight over where the antiques go before they lube up and wrestle.

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How Does Your Garden Grow?

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December 10, 2009 · Posted in Inspiration  

With quotes of course!

I lucked upon a wondrous place filled with a variety of inspirational quotes. www.QuoteGarden.com is one of the best ways to brighten my day.

I’m not sure if it’s the positive or negative things that are handed down from previous pilgrims, but it’s great to know I’m not the only one that has experienced these things.

One of my favorite pages is Optimism

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. ~Bill Vaughan

Gems like these allow me a smile and a fresh perspective on things that seem too much for me to handle.

You can even follow them on Twitter if you need a quicker pick me upper… (it’s a word and if not, it should be!)

QuoteGarden on Twitter

And if you’re really in a mood that needs lightening (or lightning, depending on your status), there is always my new comedy CD “Once You Go Fat…” available through the link on the right “Support Your Favorite Comedian”

“Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.” ~Maori Proverb (from Quotegarden’s Twitter)

Breathe deep, embrace the possibilities and never apologize for living..

-Shawn

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