So excited! My favorite inspirational website, www.quotegarden.com, is holding a Create Your Own Quote contest on Twitter http://twitter.com/quotegarden

I entered the following quote. Marvel at my literal skills…literally.

“The light of starry dreams can only be seen once we escape the blinding cities of disbelief”… – Shawn Purvis dot com

Some people ask me where I do comedy.  Oh, here and there, I’ll reply.

Well, it seems ‘here’ is Tampa, but ‘there’ is freaking Singapore!  Oh yeah!

A Toastmasters club in Singapore has posted my youtube video of my 2007 speech on their website!

Shawn in Singapore

Not only am I flattered, I would encourage you all to check out the site and make it popular.  I was impressed when a club in Canada asked to review the video for an evaluation workshop, but this is awesome.

Google yourself!  You never know what or where you might find yourself!

Before tonight, I would never have known that PHP was not a variant of animal tranquilizer.

That was before I couldn’t figure out how to make my website sparkle. Now it does. Oh yeah!

I had to run through tutorials, FAQs, download a FTP Client and lurk through someone else’s code to figure out how to remove random blank ads, but I did it.

The potential we have to learn and accomplish is the only thing that will truly shock and amaze. Seeing who cheats on who and who almost got knocked the fuck out by the very clubs that made him a bazillionaire…isn’t amazing at all.

Entertaining? Maybe. But unimpressive.

However, finding out that your favorite comedian is now more PHP savvy than he was four hours ago should not impress, it should inspire.

Go out and learn something!

-Shawn

It’s time to network!

After too long, the new Shawn Purvis comedy cards are on their way.  Ordered from a lovely little place called VistaPrint.com, they were reasonably priced and rather hot if I must say so myself.  While it looks rather racy, there is a subtle message here, the comedy of Shawn Purvis is not only hilarious, it’s sexy…
And that message is correctamundo!

Need more proof?  Check out the back of the card…

I love Pixar! They have a unique brand of comedy that is simple and fantastic…

This is not such a thing, but is hilarious in it’s own right. Parodies rule!

Check out this video: Pixar Intro Parody

Kudos to Myspace for sharing the link. And for inspiring me to buy a guitar and a 4-track before I check out University of Phoenix. Don’t mess with the burny can’t kill it birds. Dumbledore will break bad on your ass using said burny bird and make you look like a real packer of fudge.

My apologies to all the fine folks that work at the fudge factory. You make delicious treats that are good to eat.

As a comedian, I’m often asked where I get my material (well, most people assume that I’ll use our current drunken fiasco…). Comedy comes from the world around me. Friends, work, family, hopes, dreams…and sometimes movies.

I love a good movie because for the most part, I’m a theatrical imbecile. Suspension of disbelief? Nay! I am a drooling, mouth breathing heroin addict on the other end of Hollywood’s warming spoon of drivel.

Blair Witch Project scared the shit out of me (with good cause…I grew up where it was filmed). Matrix thrilled me. Fight Club inspired me. Ok. Gigli was stupid, but the cameo by Walken was damn near orgasmic.

I even enjoy the bad films. Rocky Horror Picture Show was redeemed because Tim Curry is always a treat, even in drag). I’ve only had issue with three films to date and they were so obvious, it was disturbing. (more on that in a minute).

I have found my new delicious treat: www.Cracked.com. Amazing articles that punch holes in the most obvious (not to the ‘tards like me). Here’s a great one that I just chortled at quite obscenely:

5 Things Hollywood Thinks Computers Can Do

Check them out! The writing is succinct and sarcastic and downright, well, brilliant! As contrasted by the writing in say, Gigli. Although, I often say ‘bless you’ to my penis whenever a pretty lady walks by.

Now, as to the three movies with which I have had serious issue….

#3 – Sleepwalkers

To date, this is the only film that I have ever walked out of. Stephen King is a master of stories and the spirit vampires that can’t handle cats are amazing. But when the dude banged his mom the second time, I was out. I snuck in to White Men Can’t Jump and relished in its blatant stereotypical medley of ‘too cool for school’ black guy, ‘worthless gambler’ white guy and ‘too fussy to want to sex up’ brown girl. I’ll take obvious United Nation blender over creepy soul-sucking incest any day…

#2 – Epic Movie

I love Jennifer Coolidge and could watch her paint her toenails, but even her snow-capped mountains could not save perhaps the worst parody ever (this was before I saw Meet the Spartans). While I understand that a parody should be cheesy, it should be funny. It wasn’t. It became less funny than that joke your grandfather tells at every family function. The one that wasn’t funny to begin with and isn’t any funnier a hundred times later. Parodies should be close to the original and poke serious fun at horrible flaws with the original. The first Scary Movie was amazing. The franchise went horribly awry, but it still had the first one to keep it out of the running of worst ever.

We could parody Gigli…oh wait, that’s backwards. We should write the real movie that Gigli parodies.

#1 – Twilight: New Moon

I’m going to catch flack for this one, but I don’t care. I saw Twilight and while it hurt to pry my eyes open and enjoy the movie with my daughter, I could understand it. I could fathom how sparkly vampires would be interesting and that a rather dull movie could appeal to the newly pubescent crowd, but damn you Hollywood, New Moon was nothing more than Underworld without anything cool.

I was even psyched because the preview smacked of serious Underworld trappings. Werewolves fighting Vampires. Vampire fighting vampires. Whiny bitch getting hurt in a dozen ways…But no. The preview was the only decent part of the film. Much like There’s Something About Mary, the preview was the only reason to see the movie. If the preview is the only decent part of the film, then make it a short and apologize to the actors for wasting their time.

New Moon was veiled gay porn. I understand that every twelve year old girl wants two hot guys swooning over her, but it’s just celluloid lies. It showed action and not the circle jerk variety that was in that horrid pile of crap. Ladies, I hate to tell you, but in the real world, guys that look like Edward and James don’t fight over girls, they fight over where the antiques go before they lube up and wrestle.

With quotes of course!

I lucked upon a wondrous place filled with a variety of inspirational quotes. www.QuoteGarden.com is one of the best ways to brighten my day.

I’m not sure if it’s the positive or negative things that are handed down from previous pilgrims, but it’s great to know I’m not the only one that has experienced these things.

One of my favorite pages is Optimism

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. ~Bill Vaughan

Gems like these allow me a smile and a fresh perspective on things that seem too much for me to handle.

You can even follow them on Twitter if you need a quicker pick me upper… (it’s a word and if not, it should be!)

QuoteGarden on Twitter

And if you’re really in a mood that needs lightening (or lightning, depending on your status), there is always my new comedy CD “Once You Go Fat…” available through the link on the right “Support Your Favorite Comedian”

“Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.” ~Maori Proverb (from Quotegarden’s Twitter)

Breathe deep, embrace the possibilities and never apologize for living..

-Shawn

There are few things in life as amazing and wondrous as boobs…

I saw a billboard the other day that said, “Use your unwanted fat to augment your breasts”. So I called up my skinny girlfriends and said…

It’s harvest time!

This isn’t a beer belly, this is several Double Ds in the making. I’m a boob farmer.

While it’s funny, there is a serious problem in our society today: the myth of the perfect boobs. Trust me, it’s a myth. Boobs are never perfect, but that is their perfection.

I have a very close friend who has one breast that is a bit larger than the other. She expressed the desire to get a boob job. I was stunned! Here she has amazing breasts and all she can think of is changing them, altering them, going through horribly painful surgery to make them align with some myth of the perfect pair.

There is no perfect pair. They are all perfect. Their ‘imperfection’ is what gives them character, tells a story.

If you want to know the value of asymmetry, hold a mirror up to the center line of your face and notice how different you look. I have one eye lower than the other. My nose isn’t quite centered and yet it’s me. It’s perfect and beautiful and it’s me.

Ladies, don’t fall prey to the mythos. Celebrate your perfectly shaped and wonderful gazagas. Show them off to everyone. Hell, show them to me and I will celebrate their perfection. And I will applaud them.

Enjoy them. They are meant to be enjoyed.

This past weekend was amazing! I did a feature weekend for Snappers in Palm Harbor. One show Friday and two shows on Saturday. A fantastic time!

A huge thank you to Artie Fletcher for booking me, Bob Burr for guiding me, and Amber for bringing me visits with my good friend, Mr. Jagermeister!

Catherine Maloney was a gracious hostess (not to mention lovely) and Keith Purnell did Chicago proud with his energetic headlining.

Thank you to everyone who came out and supported live comedy and of course your favorite comedian, me!